How to Woo an Uchiha
by MercilessAngel
Summary: What happens when someone missreads a prophecy? Total Destruction of course. What happens when nothing is done about it? Snakey Evil. Will something be done or will it all fall apart? SasukeOC and others. Better then it sounds, just a really bad summary.
1. Prophecy

AN: I have started this on a whim…. Be afraid, be very afraid. ;-)

Disclaimer: ...I don't want to say it...fine...I don't own anything.

**How to Woo an Uchiha**

Woo: (v) 1.to seek the favor, affection, or love of, 2.to court.

Chapter 1: The Prophocy

0o0o0o0oUnknown Nin's Point of View0o0o0o0o

"Forgotten and hidden, I am to remain.

Though I hold a truth of life, missing.

Uchiha blood spilt and running, left in a darkness as solitary as my own.

One of linage, none.

Guide to the darkness, hidden in pain.

Knowledge uncommon to find posessed within.

Battle serpente and intice Heir.

Key to the right realined."

The words of warning fell from the lips of a figure hidden in the doorway of a room. A room that had not been visited for many a year. Dust from years of neglect floated around him as he tucked the scroll back in. His dark eyes hid any of his true intent as he uttered a sentence and was simply gone, as if he had never been. For he was a ninja, and that was their way.

"What have I done?"

**TBC**

* * *

There's a reason this chapter is sooo short, so bare with me. My chapters are usually 1,200 words and up. Who is this ninja? What does the profecy mean? What in the world possesed me to call me story 'How to Woo an Uchiha'? Review and tell me what you think. 


	2. Walk the walk, Stalk the stalk

Disclaimer: No own Naruto.

I got a review like as soon as I posted the first chapter. That made me sooooo happy! Also I'm sorry it took so long but I had this chapter written down, and then lost it, which really sucks.

Also the wording of what is happening is based of the show but I couldn't write it word for word, though I got the main ideas across.

_thoughts_

"Talk"

**How to Woo an Uchiha**

Chapter 2:Walk the walk, Stalk the stalk

0o0o0o0o0Unknown Nin's POV0o0o0o0o0

_Gods, where is he going now?_

A dark haired figure glided easily, silently, from branch to branch, eyes pereing fromthe cover of dark. He followed a group as they moved down the road.

One was a yellow haired male in orange with bright blue eyes. The next a pink girl haired girl with green eyes in a red outfit. Third was another boy with dark hair and dark eyes in a blue outfit with an odd symbol on the back. (Could be a fan, could be a pokeball.)

Two adults, one rounder then the other, walked with them. The rounder, an older man with grey hair moved in the center of the group. The last had silvery white hair and only one eye visaable.

The smallest, in orange, seemed to be the most excited of the group about the excrusion.

_So pip-squeak wants to be a hokage, huh? What was that? Seems like I'm not the only stalker today..._

The shadow broke away from his path and darted toward where the lingering presence of two ninja was.

_Now where could they have come from? And on that note, where are they?_

"Ahhhhh!"

"Kakashi sensei!"

_Damn it..._

The ninja forgot all of his stealth training as he rushed back to where he had left the group he was following.

He arrived to see the dark haired boy, Sasuke, pin two ninja from the Village Hidden in the Mist.

_Good, at least he can protect himself... Guess I can't say the same for his teammates._

He slid a kunai from a pouch in his cloak and waited.

Sasuke couldn't hold the ninja for long and soon the invaders were looses and after the round one it appeared. The pink haired girl, Sakura, jumped in front of him, a show of either desperate bravery or stupidity.

And what one does, the rest are sure to follow. Therefore Sasuke probably couldn't help jumping in front of Sakura.

The shadow tensed, easing forward for better aim.

But none of this was necessary as the silver haired man showed up and caught the ninjas, then imobolized them against a tree.

Appeased at the safety of his charge, the hidden gure relaxed his grip on his kunai.

**_Group's Pov_**

"We need to get Naruto back so he can get his wounds checked," Sakura insisted. This was beyond a c class mission anymore.

"Naruto's wound does prove a problem for traveling." Kakashi mussed.

The yellow haried youth, looking distressed at being seen as even weaker then they thought now, became masochistic and stabbed himself.

"Naruto what are you doing?!"

"I hate being weak and in the way," Naruto wispered as he stabbed at the wound on his hand, spilling more blood. "I swear I'll get stonger, on this blood."

"You can stop now Naruto." Kakashi tryed.

"No I can't!"

"Yes you can. You got all the poisen out awhile ago but at this rate you mighte just die of blood loss."

"Ahhhhh! I'm to young to die!" Naruto yelled as he pranced around.

"Stop moving around Naruto and come here."

Naruto moved agonizingly slowly over to Kakashi and presented his hand. The ninja watched surprised as the youth's wound closed before his eyes.

"Kakashi? Am I going to live? Cause your looking at me funny."

"Your going to live Naruto. And we are going to take Mr. Tazuna to his village."

"Ya! Believe it!"

**_Unknown Ninja's POV_**

_Great, a boat. Their getting in a boat. Am I supposed to swim or something. Wait...I'm a ninja, I can walk on water._

Inspired by his brilliance he formed his hand sign and stepped out onto the water as the boat began to row forward.

_At least I won't have to run._

He slipped after them through the mist that hid him with ease. He was used to sneaking after people from his old life.

The boat moved through the water, gently splashing, until it finally broke free of the fog. Ahead was a beautiful scene of green grass and trees, the Land of Waves.

And at the shore was a magnificent bridge. It soared into the sky in grays and whites. It stretched out, greeting the waves with its pillars, there it stopped, incomplete.

_It just looks so...bridgy._

He watched as the people in the boat began to question the plump one, Tazuna. They spoke of Gato, a business man above and below ground, who has taken control over the Land of Wave's shipping and docks. How their lives, because of him, were now empty. And the completion of this bridge would make them a free, no longer poor country.

_Wow...I'll have to remember that look next time I try to guilt someone into doing something for me._

The boat arrived at the shore and he watched his charge jump out of the boat.

_Have to be on the look out now. If Gato really is behind this he won't be sending mere genin. Next time it will be junin. Gawd, keeping him alive has turned into a full time job._

He watched amused as the boy with whiskers, Naruto, became obsessively paranoid and began throwing kunai every which way.

_If he's not careful, he'll hit his teammates. More specifically my charge._

The shadow pulled out a kunai and prepared himself to reflect it just in case such a situation arose. With all of his concentration on Naruto, he failed to sense the presence of another ninja in the trees until it was too late. The intruder threw his enormous sword toward the group.

_Damn it, again!_

He climbed down the tree as silently as possible and inched closer to the confrontation.

The younger ninja had circled the bridge builder while their sensei stood in front.

_Is that... it can't be. I remember him it's-_

"Zabuza."

Tempted he was to run and join the battle. This was Zabuza, his power was great, well not greater then his own, but great none the less. You don't really meet people with great power everyday.

"Ha I know who you are Kakashi. The Copy Ninja." Zabuza chuckled.

"Why would sensei be called the Copy Ninja?" Sakura asked.

"Because girl, he has copied more then a 1000 techniques with his sharingun eye."

"Sharingun?"

_This guy has a sharingun? But he's not Uchiha._

He watched as Kakashi pulled his hitai-ate aside and listened to Sasuke explain everything he already knew.

_It is the sharingun, but how?_

"Your sharingun won't save you now Kakashi," Zabuza chuckled as he jumped onto the lake and called his jutsu before he disappeared into the mist.

He watched, all the while prepared to fight, when the mist crept everywhere.

_Hm, does he think a mere mist could stop a trained ninja?_

He watched the genin begin to panic.

_Apparently_

The young ninja were frightened, he could tell, but still they tightened their protective circle around the bridge builder, keeping their mission in mind.

_He thinks he can frighten them like that? Hah! Their ninjas, their not so easily... their shaking... It seems I stand corrected._

The shadow kept his eyes on the group and saw Sasuke begin to panic, shaking like a leaf as he reached for his kunai and began to bring it toward himself.

_Your stronger then that Sasuke. Don't give in._

The mist was thick enough that he could creep closer.

_**Sasuke's POV**_

_It's so thick. The power of two ninja about to unleash an attack. Can't take much more._

"Sasuke!" Kakashi said sharply.

_Almost gave in._

Sasuke looked up and heard an almost inaudible rustle to his left. Looking over he caught a pair of red eyes and black hair, the shape of shoulders. Familiar shoulders. A familiar figure.

_No it can't be..._

**TBC**

* * *

Cliffy. I am so sorry this wasn't out sooner but my story was fanfic-napped by BloodStainedLove's mother. One review before the next chapter comes out, that's not much is it? 

Tell me what you think I should improve on and what you think the prophecy means.


	3. The meeting

I do not own Naruto. Wish I did though.

This is MercilessAngel and I need support. Being a writer is a hard, thankless life. And this chapter will be much, much better. I got another review :). I am soooo pathetic -.-

This will be an exciting chapter and pardon if the personalities aren't correct for some of the people.

Things will be revealed in this chapter.

**How to Woo an Uchiha**

Chapter 3: The Meeting

0o0o0o0o0o0 Unkown Ninja's POV 0o0o0o0o0o0

**That was close. I think he might of saw me.**

He was tense as again and again he watched the Copy Ninja, Kakashi, and Zabuza raged back and forth. Trading blow for blow, both avoided moral wound through water clones. Neithor seemed to be winning until Zabuza trapped Kakashi in a water cell.

Then he made a water clone of himself and started to attack the younger ninja. He concentrated on the yellow haired one and had him on the ground with his foot on his headband.

**These kids don't have a snow ball's chance in hell against him.**

But even with the terrible odds they stayed and fought. Sasuke attacked and was getting the crap beat out of him when the loud one got his senses back and attacked with vigor. And succeded in retreaving his headband.

**Kids got spunk.**

He heard Naruto insult Zabuza and his claim of being the next Hokage.

**And a mouth.**

He heard the pasa of Zabuza. And a bloody past it was and not just because he grew up in the village hidden in the mist. But because also he was a complete nutcase. Then in a case of nutcasy-ness he attacked Sasuke. Naruto saved him by using his shadow clone jutsu and got him out of there. Using a double team attack the two mixed the shadow clone, demon shuriken, transformation, and a kunai to free their sensei.

**Team work. You'd never beliece it from those two.**

Kakashi then attacked Zabuza, trying not to give him a chance to trap him again and used the full potetial of his sharingun. he started to psyche out Zabuza as best as he could.

**In the name of ugh, where are they all coming from.**

Turning around he moved closer to yet another ninja that had desided to join the party. This ninja wore a mask, symbolizing a hunter, and stood a branch, merely watching the happenings.

Below Kakashi had Zabuza running scared. Finishing a jutsu, Kakashi summoned a water vortex and tossed Zabuza like a leaf. Zabuza was pinned to a tree and Kakashi was moving in for the finish when the hunter ninja made his move and threw two needles at him. He saw the needle enter Zabuza's neck and the shock of the others as they relized that they weren't alone.

The hunter then dropped down and after a quick inqury, took the body and left. He watch the group relax and walk off.

**Something isn't right. This is going to call for back up.**

0o0o0o0o0 Author's POV 0o0o0o0o0

The figure moved in a western direction, toward his lair. He arrived to a field... but do not depair for this was no ordinary field, it had... green flowers! You don't see that many green flowers in your life. Strolling through the field he stopped next to a blue flower. And then made one of his odd hand signs. Finishing he shouted "Choko". The blue flower then revieled itself for what it was... a handle.

Reaching down he grabbed the handle and pulled it up to reveale a set of stairs leading down into the deep, dark abyss of his lair.

"Haven't I told them to keep the lights on? What are we, bats?"

As he walked he lit the torches on the stairs and when he reached the bottom, he flicked the light switch. The lair was a network of overlapping tunnles and rooms. Of course the entrance he used wasn't the only. In a case of emergency the lair had to be evacuated quickly. Of course it was so well hidden that that day would never come.

Murmers began to resound down the hall.

"You would think he'd be on time to his own meeting, ya."

"Yes, it's unlike him to be late to anything and this being the first meeting we've had in some time, practically ever."

"Well we're not **all **really here."

"Maybe he's dead."

"..."

**It's so nice to know I'm loved, bet known of them would come to my funeral.**

He kept a slow even pace, not carring how inpatient his comrads became. He would not be hurried. He rounded the corner and saw the cracked door with light spilling from the cracks. He grabbed the door and pushed as four heads turned to see him.

"Nice of you to join us -"

**_Somewhere else entirely_**

Two girls walked down a road in moderate weather. It was late spring and the trees and went from beautiful buds to bright green leaves. They were going to middle school and discusing their everyday discusion: Naruto.

"Even though I know how perfect you are for Sasuke, considering your about the only one that could put up with his emo aditude, I think Sasuke likes his women with good reflexes. I say this because your DDRing yesterday sucked."

"Shut up. And Sasuke won't care how his women dance."

"I didn't say he would. I was talking about your crappy reflexes."

"OW! Stop hitting me!"

"Then shut up. And Sasuke wouldn't dare make fun of me becasue I'd-"

"Cook for him? Because that would be punishment in itself."

"NO! I'd hit him too."

"...How could you like him anyway? He's so emotional, O.C.D., and not to mention that he runs off with a transvestite pedifile snake man."

"He's soooo hot."

"Your so fickle."

"No I'm not. Fan girls are allowed to switch anime men whenever they want without consequence."

"Fickle."

"Ugh. You just hate Sasuke."

"I told you I don't hate him. I'm dissapointed in him for going with Orochimaru."

"Yeah well he only wanted to get stronger."

"Yeah but he should have known beter then to go off with a pedifile. Orochimaru could like, rape him."

"Ahhhhh! Don't say that!"

This continued as they walked and at their school met up with another girl, who joined their bizzare converstation, which only continued to become even more bizzare. They scraped grades and played sports. They were normal to a point. Nothing special. None of them knew that somewhere far away, they were about to become very important. And their lives would never be the same.

**_Back to the 'Lair'_**

-Itachi."

**TBC**

* * *

Cliff hanger. Hahahaha. I feel evil. Does the revealence of the 'Unknown Nin' mess with anyone's idea of who they thought it really was? Any new ideas about the first chapter and the prophecy. Ok Now you know the evil truth, well some of it. One review before the next chapter is out and I want to be from someone I don't see everyday on a regular basis.(Jessica) Tell me if there are any in the story parring that you want and I can try and put them in. If not I will have to. 


	4. Brotherly Love

Disclaimer: No own Naruto.

I got another review so here's the chapter.

As of late I have been studying my friends. So all of the conversations between the girls are real, really scary. For anyone who doesn't know the Akatsuki members I'll be mentioning, you can wikipedia it or email me. I am up to explain everything.

**How to Woo an Uchiha**

Chapter 2: Brotherly Love

**Last Time**

Last time things got moving a little more and now they should go really fast. We found out the mystery man was Itachi and he is now at a meeting of the Akatsuki, the criminal organization he's a part of. And you got a sample of crazyness from two girls. Enjoy.

**Now**

"Nice of you to join us Itachi." Hidan said.

"I was indisposed. But I am here now and there are important matters to be discused."

"Such as?" Kisame questioned looking bored by all of this.

"Life. Death. Guilt."

"...Itachi, has the life of a murderous criminal destroyed what brain cells you might have had, because none of those are important issues?" Kisame was worried his partner might have to be put out to pasture.

"Death is an important issue." Hidan argued with an indignant look on his face.

"And there are those that like living, ya." Deidara added

"Like me, I like living." Tobi agreed.

"And what guilt? None of us feel guilty." Kisame, who didn't feel guilty, said.

"For something I did, that I shouldn't have did, and am trying to fix." **Like the destruction of the world.**

"The destruction of the world, ya?" Deidara now too was worried about Itachi.

**Opps did I say that out loud.**

"Yes the destruction of the world." Itachi nodded.

"Why should we care about the destruction of the world, it's not like we care about it?" Kisame asked.

"Well if our goal is to dominate the world, we will need the world to be in one piece when we do, not destroyed." **Can't argue with that.**

"So the world is going to explode?" Tobi was panicked.

"No, it will be controled by pure evil. An evil that is not us. Therefore we can not allow this to happen."

"Fine, we'll just concure it now before this 'evil' does." Hidan reasoned calmly.

"We can't becasue we don't have enough money, power, or support. It would be inefficent."

"What exactly would we have to do, ya?" Deidara asked.

"Well there is this prophecy-"

"No. You don't mess with prophecies. They happen on there own." Kisame growled.

"Well I already did..."

"Your an idiot, ya."

Itachi at this point was wery upset. He had been running around for weeks, with barely any sleep, watching Sasuke to make sure he was safe. It was his fault after all that his whole clan was dead. Actually it was Orochimaru's fault but that's not the point. He was making sure there was a world to concure when they were ready, and did anyone appritiate that? No! They were to busy nit-picking every unimportant detail about the definition of destruction.

"Itachi stop talking to yourself." Hidan was beginning to become even more impatient with Itachi speaking in riddles.

"I am not talking to myself!"

"Yes you were. We could tell because you screwed your nose up so that your scares looked like wiskers. Weasle wiskers." Tobi said with a grin. Tobi - one, mass murderer - zero.

"Are you saying I look like a weasly Tobi?"

Deadly silence was heard as Tobi wisely didn't answer that question for the threat in Itachi's voice was very real.

"Sooo... Itachi budy, hehe. What do you recomend we do?" Kisame had decided it was probably better to let the crazy murderer have his way. No one wants the mass murderer mad at them.

"It's best if I start near the beginning. Years ago, before I murdered my clan I was a very moldable person. I was also lonely, with few friends. Therefore when a young man who had showed the same disipline in training as I when he was young came to me with words of friendship, I was ensnared. For months I grew to trust him, so when he came to me with with words of a prophecy that he assured me ment that my clan was planning the destruction of the world and that I was a great light that was to save it, I believed him. Never had he led me wrong and when had my clan shone the same friendship as he?"

"Question?"

"Yes Hidan?"

"When you were dropped on your head as a child, didn't your parents notice the stupidity that must have been poring off you?"

"...As I was saying, I believed every word he said and planned to stop my clan. He told me I must strike swift and soon but I would need more power first. It was then that I delved further into my clans secrets. I learned of the Mangekyo Sharingan and knew it was exactly what I needed. So I killed my friend."

Here he stopped and looked into the distance as if remembering how he had killed his friend. How he had believed the lies of a vicious man.

"Then not long after I killed my clan all save my brother who had been at the acadamy at the time. After I killed them I discovered a door in the one of the houses that an elder lived at. It led to a room deep in the ground. In the room was the prophecy, the real prophecy that spoke of an evil, but not one that my clan would bring about. I left then knowing that I had probably screwed up the world and planned on enjoying it's last moments of peace when I saw my younger brother."

He stopped and smiled. He cared deeply for his brother.

"I had forgoten that he was alive and realized he was the only hope so I have been keeping him alive for the past years. But I have never fogivin Orochimaru for what he did."

_That other place from last time that we went_

Three girls sat in a living room around a computer. This was a normal sight to see. The blond one was hitting the red haired one, while the girl with darker hair and light highlights looked at pictures on the internet.

"Stop hitting me Button."

"Not until you take it back."

"Take what back. Ow!"

"What you said about Sasuke."

"Which part the one about him being ugly or dainty."

"Both!"

"Ow! Fine I take it back."

"Better."

"So how's your story going?"

"Great. I kicked Sasuke out of his house. And I keep basking Sakura."

"Sounds like your having fun."

"Yup! Hey Light have you been reading my story?"

"Yes and I want the next chapter up tonight!"

"But I just put one up yesterday!"

"Does it look like I care? I want it now!"

"Hahahaha Button has to put up a chapter up."

"And you! How dare you mention me in passing!"

"But..but."

"No. You will put another chapter up too!"

"Hey! You haven't updated in like a month!"

"Have you read my stories?"

"Erm...not yet?"

"..."

"Hahahaha Fox's in trouble too."

**TBC**

* * *

Ok once again 1 review before the next chapter is up. I like support so please support me. 


	5. Through the Looking Glass

Disclaimer: I ,MercilessAngel, do not own Naruto.

Chapter four. Yay! Ok if you haven't you might wanna check out my Naruto poems. The one I'm proudest of is 'If Akatsuki Were in Charge of the World'.

I've decided to start dedicating my chapters to reviewers(hint hint), so this one is dedicated to no one! Because no one reviewed and you are all ravenous butt-monkeys!

We left off with Itachi's comrads quite frightened of him and giving in to his every whim. And we heard another convo between crazy fangirls, which you will understand later.

**How to Woo an Uchiha**

Chapter 5: Through the Looking Glass

"..."

No one knew what to say to that. Quiet, calm, reserved Itachi had finally finished cracking. It was obvious. He killed his entire clan, not becasue he was a murderous criminal like they had believed but no, becasue Orochimaru had told him to. And now he wanted to save what was left of his clan, aka his brother Sasuke, who hated him, becasue he read a prophecy. Hello Crack-House hotline? One of your lunitics has excaped and invaded our home. Please come remove him. But Tobi was happy to point out a flaw to Itachi's rant.

"Soooo you still haven't told us what you want us to do."

As one, everyone turned and stared at Tobi. Now what was it that Kisame didn't want? Ah yes! No one wants the mass murderer to hate them. Tobi didn't seem to get that.

"Want I you to do is be quiet. What I want everyone else to do is find a girl with no linage, that has uncommon knowledge, that would entice my brother."

"Itachi what exactly did this proghecy say?" Kisame asked.

"That the fate of the world depends upon my angsty brother and this woman that I'm not even sure exists."

"This woman... would she happen to be blond with green eyes, and a frightening sense of humor." Hidan didn't look up, not wanting them to see the perverted bluss on his face.

"I have no idea, why?"

"Well I have been watching this female. Obviously to kill her...and erm she seems to have uncommon knowledge. Especially concerning your brother." Hidan figeted as he rushed through his explanation.

"What kind of uncommon knowledge?"

"She could probably tell you his shoe size if you asked. And what he ate for breakfast two weeks ago and if he had a middle name she would know it and I bet she knows the color of his boxers."

"This creepy woman. She stalks my brother?"

"No... she kinda just knows."

They all shared a knowing look, besides Tobi, but that's because he wasn't following the conversation**. Ok one atribute down, two to go.**

"Would she entice my brother?"

"...well she is erm attractive and very developed. I mean if your brother likes em big, I guess."

And the truth reveals itself. Hidan was a pervert. A very big pervert who spied on girls with large assests.

"And her lineage?"

"As far as I can tell she dosn't seem to have a very significant one..."

Kisame smirked suggestivly at Itachi.

"I bet he has no idea about her linage, becuase that's not what he pays attention to."

"Well since this is the only lead we have. We will follow it. Hidan where does this woman live?"

Tobi, who had been drifting through devious thoughts of his own, perked up at the sound of a woman.

"What woman, Itachi?"

"The one that we have been discusing for the last hour. Weren't you paying attention Tobi?" Itachi growled angrily. His Sharingun flashing dangerously as he took a step toward Tobi.

Tobi knowing this could mean walking away with all of his limbs, and crawling missing some, nodded and tried to avert Itachi's attention elsewhere.

"So Hidan, where was this woman?"

"Well she dosen't live arround here. She lives really far away. In a diferent universe infact."

Kisame stopped admirering his sword and looked at Hidan.

"If she lives in a diferent universe, then how do you know so much about her?"

"Through the looking glass." he shrugged.

"A looking glass, how the hell-"

"Not a looking glass, THE Looking Glass. I stole it a few years ago. It allows you to see things."

"What kind of things? And why have you kept this from us."

"Well the lady I took it from started spueing nonsence before I killed her. She said, "In times of light this glass will be filled with the things you want to know, and in times of dark this glass will be filled with things you should know." She was at her witt's end. Complete nonsence if you ask me. And I didn't tell you becasue so far the only thing the damn thing's showed me is this weird woman."

"... Hidan, I am going to let Kisame shave you into teany tiny peaces and them I am going to bast them in terryaki sauce and eat them. 'times of darkness' are you that dense. We are up to are ears in darkness, meaning we need to know about his woman, meaning she is the one."

Itachi said this all with his deadly calm and only started growling like an angry dog toward the end. Tobi and Kisame who were looking between Itachi and Hidan. They spoke at the same time.

"Itachi 'is he' 'am I' really going to shave Hidan into tiny peices?"

Kisame looked hopeful at the thought of killing someone and Tobi looked hopeful at the thought of Kisame killing someone.

"Hidan go get this glass..."

Hidan got up and left the room. He came back minutes later with what appeared to be a small pocket mirror. They gathered around it to finally see this weird woman.

The glass fogged with a green mist and then cleared to show an empty room. The room had a large bed situated under a window that toched the floor. They were odd things thrown across the floor here and there. Clothes, books, candles, a plushie that looked like Sakura with pins sticking out of it...

"Look Kisame, she has a violent streak just like you." Tobi pointed to the Sakura doll.

"Shut up."

They looked toward the door when it was pushed open and three girls walked in. They were laughing and walking almost drunkenly, holding their sides. The blond one grinned and cooned.

"Oh Sasuke-kun, you can kick pinecones at me!"

"I am to busy to kick pinecones at you. I must continue my ocd-ness and find my brother. Merely so he can throw me into walls and other hard objects."

"You know if Itachi like died of old age, Sasuke would have no point in life? All he lives for is killing Itachi.That isn't really much to live for. And he can't even accomplish that small thing because he's weaker then Itachi."

"Girls, girls. You see if he did kill Itachi-

"or Itachi died of old age!"

"Yes Fox if Itachi died of old age. Then he could comense repopulating his village. I mean he has to start sooner or lating. He has a lot to do."

"Ewwwww."

"I bet Botton wants to help him repopulate his village."

"Ewwwww!"

Itachi looked appaled. These weren't woman. They weren't even human.

"Wow Itachi... your brother is really the lady's man." Tobi and Kisame were snickering.

"'Oh Sasuke-kun, you can kick pinecons at me!'" Now they were rolling on the ground in mirth.

"Oh-oh wait. Itachi maybe you can help Sasuke repopulate the Uchiha clan? pft!"

Itachi grabbed the glass and shook it to rid himself of looking at the crazy females. He then turned to Hidan who had been quiet the whole time.

"Hidan which of the females was it?"

"The blond one."

"...the blond one. I want you to work on a way for us to get to that place she is."

"Why?"

"We're going to go get her."

* * *

I have the fifth chapter out and finished. Yay! Ok the sixth should come soon, but remember I'm typing 4 stories at once here. Review fpr the next chapter. 


	6. The Hunt is on

Disclaimer: I ,MercilessAngel, do not own Naruto.

This is chapter six, coming at ya. Having so many stories at once is going smoother than I thought it would. Well for the most part. I absolutly love the power of control I have over this story, as I deminstrate with my chapters hehe. Sorry this took so long to get out. I have a lot of final projects that call for my full attentionm you know the whole 'You need a proper edumaction.' LOL

This chapter is dedicated to Kaguya Yumiasai, who reviewed! Someone else reviewed too but theirs dosen't count, because I know them and they are evil. Thanks Kaguya!

Last time on 'How to Woo an Uchiha' the boys settled on the plan to abtuct the poor, innocent blond person. Poor, uninformed ninjas. They'll never know what hit them.

**How to Woo an Uchiha**

Chapter 6: The Hunt is on

"Rope?"

"Check."

"Kunai?"

"Check."

"Food?"

"Check."

"Nail Polish?"

"Double Check."

Kisame and Hidan were in charge of loading the supplies, making sure nothing would surprise them in the strange world they were about to enter. Food so they wouldn't starve. Rope in case she resisted. Kunai in case something attacked them. And you should never go anywhere without nail polish. Deidara meanwhile was searching for an adaquate hill.

Itachi was pasing in the kitchen eyes flashing every once and a while, growling about the stupidity of what they were about to do. Really, what criminal in their right mind would do it. It was so... not going to work. And Hidan was probably pulling all their legs with this one.

"Tobi? Have you aquired the needed items?"

"Yah. But I still don't know why we need a fanny pack, a book, a stool, and a tire."

Itachi simply growled and ordered Tobi to take the items outside and set them near the trees. Tobi, who was annoyed at being dismissed like that, mentally pushed Itachi off of a cliff, with sharp rocks at the bottom.

They didn't have much time. This had to be done during a lightning storm aparently and there was one tonight. Now they were double checking their supplies and putting the finishing touches on the plan. If someone told Itachi yesterday that He would be rolling **up **a hill wearing a fanny pack while holding a stool, a tire, and a book during a lightning storm, well, he would have glared at them, then killed them.

"Ready Itachi?"

"No."

"Good let's go."

The remaining members of the Akatsuki; Itachi, Hidan, and Kisame moved out of the hideout and saw Deidara and Tobi waiting next to some trees to the left. Kisame sealed the entrance and turned to Deidara.

"Did you find a hill?"

"Yes. And it is not too steep, ya."

"Excelent. Tobi follow Deidara and carry the equipment to the hill. Hidan I need to talk to you."

Deidara left leading Tobi whom had gotten stuck with all of the equipment. Kisame left after them leaving Itachi to his talk with Hidan.

"Hidan, since this was your idea you will be the one to test the therory. You will be the first to go and if you succeed me and Kisame will follow. Tobi and Deidara are staying behind to watch after Sasuke. Do not fail Hidan."

Hidan nodded nervously. Itachi was very scary, with his evil looking red eyes and those scars. It was no wonder he had joined the Akatsuki. He looked like he should belong to an evil bent-on-controlling-the-world criminal organization.

Itachi turned and followed the noise that Tobi was making. Tobi really should be taught how to be quiet. This is why they never take him on any missions. He can't stay quiet. He would give away their cover and they would be caught. That's also why Itachi didn't want him going to retrieve this girl. He wasn't sure but something didn't seem ... normal about those girls.

"Be quiet Tobi. It is essential to our goal that we find this female and bring her here."

"What does me being loud have to do with our goal again?"

Itachi quickened his pace and stepped up behind Tobi. He calmed his face into a menacing look and spoke to Tobi.

"Becaus if you are not quiet I will kill you. And if I kill you then I might have to leave Hidan here. And if I leave Hidan here then I can't use him as a guinea pig. And if I can't use him as a guinea pig, I'll have to use someone else, someone who is essential to our goal, unlike you."

- **At a Hill not far away-**

An old blue jay sat on a tree, enjoying the pre-breeze before the storm that was brewing.. This blue jay had seen many things over it's many years. Demons, ninjas, dragons. But nothing prepared it for the sight of a group of criminal ninjas carrying a book, a tire, a stool, and by the gods was that a _fanny pack_.

**Ninjas, **the jay thought as it flew away from the potentually dangerous situation, full of potentually crazy ninja.

"Tobi put the equipment over there and go back to the hideout with Deidara. Deidara you are to protect Sasuke from... mostly himself becasue he thinks he's a huge hero and will inevitably get in trouble."

Itachi contemplated Tobi. "Tobi I want you to ... help Deidara, but only if he needs it."

"Hidan, Kisame, and I will capture the girl and bring her back. Then we will give her to my brother so she might woo him."

Crickets chirped in the background. Chirp, chirp.

"Woo?"

Itachi glared hotly. "Yes, woo. She must woo my brother so that they can defeat this evil."

Deidara and Tobi left, back to the hideout before they went after Sasuke.

Itachi turned to Hidan and stared, and waited.

**Five minutes later**

The clouds broke open and unleased their fury on Hidan, Itachi, and Kisame. Lightning flashed through the sky, chasedc losely by thunder that shook the ground.

And Itachi was still waiting. "Get on with it Hidan."

HIdan grinned sheepishly and walked over to the hill. "So you just grab this stuff, lay down, and er... roll?"

Itachi and Kisame offered no help, simply watching what they knew had a better chance of failing then working.

Hidan layed down, looked back at his fellow bad doers, and rolled. He rolled and rolled. Then he rolled some more. Hidan believed he would reach the top and this would a complete failure when **crack **he was struck by lightning.

"Hey Itachi?"

"Hm?"

"If Hidan's dead can I have his room? He's got a bigger bed."

"Hn."

Kisame offered to go look for Hidan's remains, which might consist of a few ashes. What he found was nothing, except for the book, stool, tire, and fanny pack which where in perfect condition.

"Hey I think he made it! Shame I really did want his room."

"This means it's your turn Kisame..."

Kisame sighed and grabbed the items before going down the hill and try his luck.

He layed down and gripped his sword, making sure it went through with him. Then he rolled and he too was struck by lightning and dissapeared.

Itachi did like-wise and soon the meadow with the hill was silent save for the sound of raindrops hitting the leaves and forest floor.

The hunt was on.

* * *

I am sorry this took soooo long but, sigh there is no excuse. I am taking volleyball and I look like someone beat me, really I do. My parents thought I did get beat. Ok I have a short poll. 

**What do you think the Akatsuki's hideout should be called?**

I know that some people probably don't agree with the personalities I've given the Akatsuki... and I value everyone's opinion (besides Kamille's). So voice your opinion and review. Insult me, cuss me out, say nice things! I'm desprate to know if someone cares.


	7. The Blond One

Diclaimer: I don not own Naruto. I wouldn't mind by any means but the sad truth is, I don't.

I AM UPDATING! Yes! Ok here it is...

Last time Hidan, Kisame, and Itachi began their search for the blond one. Poor ninja, they won't know what hit them.

**WARNING: **Hidan is in this fact from now on and there will be foul language. You have been warned.

This fic is dedicated to the one and only

... Chibi Kabuto ( Kaguya Yumiasai ) my avid reviewer and idea person.

For those confused about how they managed to travel through dimensions with the items mentioned, it will be explained. If you are still confused just email me and I'll explain. I am going to update more now that I quit soccer.

Chapter er... 7?

**The Blond One:**

0o0o0o0o0o0Author's POV0o0o0o0o0o0

Itachi opened his eyes... and sighed. **I always knew this day would come, I had been hoping for a bit more time, but alas I have been denied. This could hinder our plan...**

Itachi sat up swinging his arms around him to avoid any hard objects. For Itachi had gone blind. Or so he thought.

**It's so white, I always imagined being blind as being realy dark. This is different.**

While Itachi wobbled around like a drunken monkey, Kisame had climbed calmly to his feet, shook the dirt from his clothes and began chekcing the supplies. That was until a hand reached out and garbbed him. Grabbed him somewhere where no-male should have ever grabbed him, especially Itachi.

"Get off! You pervert! Why are you touching me!" The shark man slapped away his partner's hand and jumped away, with red stains blemishing his blue cheeks. Mortidied Kisame decided to keep a close eye on Itachi in case he made another pass for him.

"But Kisame, I need you. Everything's so white. You must guide me now that I have gone blind. As my partner you are obligated." Itachi said, reaching toward the sound of Kisame's deep voice.

Kisame sighed, annoyed his partner was so dense. Really you'd think at his age and with his experince the Nin would have seem snow by now. "Itachi open your eyes, your not blind, it's just snow."

"Eh? Snow? What's that?"

"It's kinda like frozen water, like ice. It's cold, and when it melts it turns into water." Itachi, now with open eyes, looked at the white and now that he looked agina he realize that not everything was white, but that it was covered with a thinck white blanket. He leaned down and grabbed a handful and found that the snow was indeed cold.

"Hmm. We will forget this ever transpired. Where are we?" Now that he know he wasn't blind, he remembered where exactly he had grabbed his partner earlier.

"It apears that we are on a street, and there are houses, very odd houses. The one we are after might live in one. Hidan would know."

"Where's Hidan?"

With Hidan

**What strange things are in here. And the room is small. Oh there is water in the basin. I'm am quite thristy.**

Hidan stoad and began to walk toward the toilet when thw door behind him opened. (No I'm not cruel enough to make him drink from the toilet, that gross. 0.o)

Hidan whirled around and gasped becasue before him stood the woman of his dreams. She was tall, with short blue hair, and long legs. Everything he always imagined his woman would have. **I must have her.**

"Who are you and what are you doing in my bathroom?" The woman growled angrilly. Strange men had no business in her bathroom, no matter how good their Hidan costumes were.

"My fair maiden I am the great Hidan. If you would kindly point me in the direction of the street of Berick and come with me I will wisk you off your feet and fuck you like an animal night after night." Hidan opened his arms, assured she would run into them and kiss him while agreeing whole heartedly to come with him. The hearts in his eyes were replaced with stars though when the woman reached out and slapped him.

"I'm not your maiden, my name is Monica, Say it with me Monica. And I know for a fact that you are not Hidan cause Hidan's not real, and I don't let random strangers lake love to me. I've got a reputation."

Hidan looked at Monica, and fell even deeper in love. **I always wanted a forceful woman. Won that wouldne't be afriad to through me down and spank me.**

"Monica, such a sexy name. I asure you that I am Hidan, and I shall prove it to you." Hidan grabed a knife and stabbed himself.

"You dip-fuck! Don't stab yourself! You'll bleed all over the carpet!" Monica grabbed the knife from him and tossed it in the sink, she was about to grab a towel to stop the bleeding when the wound closed, just like that. "You are Hidan... OH MY GOD YOUR REAL!!!!"

With Tobi and Deidara

They walked through the forest, heading for the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

"Hey Deidara?"

"Ya?"

"We're wanted criminals right?"

"Ya"

"So if we walked into the village like this wouldn't they I don't know, try to kill us or something."

"Ya."

"But then we wouldn't be able to watch Sasuke and when Itachi got back he'd kill us."

Deidara stopped and looked at Tobi. Then turned right and began walking again, but now in a different direction. They walked this way until they came to a hole in the wall bar/convientent travler store. They walked in and purchesed many strange items. When they left the store thet were so changed that ever their own mother wouldnot recognize them. Tobi's black hair was now blue and his cloak replaced with a dress. His orange mask too was replaced, with a feminine bird mask. Tobi was now Kagome.

Deidara's hair was let down and curled to perfection, but still hiding his scope. Like makeup accented his softer features and a soft green dress brought out his eyes. Deidara was now Yuki.

"Now they will not recongnize us. We are simply a pair of young females looking for strong handsome men to court us, ya"

They continued till they reached the village and were let in, the guards conpletely fooled.

Tobi and Yuki continued on through the village, receiving whistles and hot stares. They celebrated their odd success at a food stand. It was good to be an Akatsuki member.

With Hidan

After Monica had been revived she and Hidan set out for Berick rd. Monica didn't know why he wanted to go there and it was wierd because that was where Button lived. So she could show Hidan to Button and prove that he was real, and that ment that Sasuke was real to. Buttton was going to love this.

They got there and found something that they would never forget. Itachi and Kisame were being yelled at by an old woman. A really old woman with a huge purse that looked like it was stuffed with bricks.

"Woman I did not know that the cat ment this much to you. I would have hid the body."

"You monster! You killed my Fluffy! How dare you!" Here the woman comensed to beating Itachi with her brick filled purse.

Monica turned to Hidan and smirked. "Should we save him?"

Before he could answer she began to walk over. She pulled the woman away and assured her that the young man who killed her cat would be punished and that she was terribly sorry that her 'crazy, insane, mentily challenged brother' had killed the poor kitty cat.

When the woman had left Monica turned and ran to Button's house where she pounded on the door. When Button opened the door she was roughly pulled and confronted with Itachi, Kisame, and Hidan on her front lawn. And a dead cat.

"Ewww! I am not cleaning that up. Which one of you put it there." Everyone pointed without shame at Itachi. "Ok you freak clean up the dead cat and get off my lawn. The freak convention is not on my lawn." She looked at Monica and grinned. "Monica you said you had something important to tell me on the phone."

"Oh! Ya. This is Itachi, Kisame, and Hidan. They're real. Hidan even stabbed himslef and it healed right over. Isn't this awesome?"

"No not really."

"Don't you get it?"

"Get what?"

"If they're real then that means that Sasuke's real."

"...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

The Next chapter might be up today. Scary I know, since my updates are erratic at best. Review please, it makes me... happy. And it makes me feel special. Really really special. The next chapter would normally need at least one review but I haven't up dated in so long that I'm going to start it right after I post this. But as I said before I really would love a rivew. Ok the transporting thing. A long time ago me and my firends were thinking about all of those fics were girls end up in anime world and we put them together in a weird and twisted way. For the Akatsuki since they were trying to get to our world they had to do it backwards by rolling up the hill. If you need more information I can tell you all about our weird idea. (E-mail) Your faithful author

Mercy.


	8. The Agreement

Diclaimer: No, I still don't own Naruto. Believe me, if I did, you'd know.

**WARNING:** Once again beware of language. Hidan's on a roll.

I am updating...AGAIN! Buahahahaha.

This chapter is dedicated to

dun dun dun... Kaguya Yumiasai(Chibi Kabuto)

Last time, they were reuninted and now Button knows that they are real. So what will happen now? Who is the blond one? Will they ever save the world!

Chapter 8 of How to Woo an Uchiha

**The Agreement:**

Author's POV

"Girl there are things that we must-

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"tell you concerning my-

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Brother"

Even thought they had moved into the livingroom Button contineud to scream. The only time anyone else could get a word in edgwise was when she took a second to draw breathe.

"..."

"Are you done screaming? Yes? Good. You are to accompany us back to our world and woo my brother. I estimate that the end of the world will be upon us soon and there is no time to waste. Pack your nescisities and be prepared to leave within the hour."

Itachi left the room after his speech and sought out the others in the dinning room. Kisame and Hidan were having a heated argument, well actually Hidan was having a heated one sided argument with Kisame; Kisame was just standing there. Itachi walked over and watched as Hidan threw insults left and right, some of which were very crude, especially the one concerning Kisame's mother and a donkey.

"Hidan what is the meaning of this?"

Hidan stopped and looked at Itachi with anger in his eyes. "That weird fucker stole my woman!"

Itachi sighed internally, appearing calm on the outside. "And which woman would that be?"

"The beautiful Monica! The apple of my eye! My bitch! MINE!" Hidan at this point was ready kill in cold murder, which actually was what he did naturally and religously.

Itachi tried to packpeddle the conversation into safer territory. Hidan seemed a few pinecones short of a fur tree at the moment and wasn't to be triffled with. "Now, why do you say he stole her?"

"Becasue she says that she likes him more than me! He did something to her I know it. She is a very loyal woman but he isn't to be trusted."

At this point the woman is question walked over to Hidan and tried to set him straight. "Hidan, I Monica do not love you, have never loved you, and will never love you. Kisame is my one true love and I wanna carry his sharky baby. Ok so he's blue, I can deal with that.And you, you're just creepy. Sure I'll be your friend but nothing else."

"So Hidan, Monica isn't interested in you, so there never really was a relationship in the first place. You'll find the right woman some day." Pating the forelorn Hidan on the back Itachi headed back to see if the blond one had finished packing.

He entered the bedroom and saw how the floor, or what he imagined used to be a floor, was now even more covered with more coverage raining down upon it from where Button tossed it, half baried in her closet.

"Are you nearly done? We must be leaving."

"Yah I just gotta... Oh I forgot to call Fox and Light. I gotta call them-

"There is no time to wait for others, we leave now."

Itachi once again departed suddenly and rudely.

"Fine I'll just right them a letter, I'm sure they won't mind."

_And far off in the distance, in two different places, two girls looked up and twitched, sensing that their names had been spoken. Then they sighed. "Button's probably doing something stupid."_

The three Akatsuki members and their two charges left in a blinding flash, the return trip being simpler the the getting there as they only had to role down hill, and they didn't _need _a thunderstorm.

Later that day

A girl with light brown high walked up the sidewalk to a door and walked in, feeling right at home. She walked into the kitchen and turned heading down stairs into a fully furnished basement.

"Hey Button! ...Button?"

The girl searched everywhere but could not find the her friend. She returned upstairs and noticed a note on the fridge door.

_Dear Light and Fox_

_I know Light, you'll probably going to be the first to read this since you said you were coming over and I want you to let Fox read this too. Well this morning I was kidnapped by the Akatsuki and they said I couldn't call you guys and I know that you're gonna be soooo mad but don't worry I'll be fine, I get to marry Sasuke. Don't worry about telling Moni cause she's here with me. Well tell my parents I'm fine, you guys can have my books._

_Button_

The girl, Light, commensed ripping the paper to shreads and growling angrily, "That air-head, how could she abandon us like this? I will hunt her down." Reaching into her pocket she retrieved her cell-phone muttering angrily as she punched numbers. "Fox? This is Light, Button ran away... yea she didn't take us... yes we are hunting her down... akatsuki...be here in 10 minutes...bye."

Fox arrived right on schedule and both argued on who got to beat on Button first then they found her. After a tense game of rock, paper, scissors it was decided that Fox could have the first blow and then it was fair game after that. And the disscusion on how they were to get to Naruto world ensured.

They toyed around with a machine, but didnt want to waste time. It was deciede that they would test The theory.

"I cant believe we are actually gonna try this. It's absurd. It's crazy... so crazy it just might work." Light was ranting wildly, pacing back and forth in the confines of Buttons room. Or ex-room as it were. Meanwhile Fox rummaged through Botton's ex-belongings for what they'd need.

In the end they had a representation of everything that they would need, and so, unintentionally, they followed in the steps of the Akatsuki and rolled down the hill to their destiny.

* * *

Firstly, however the series would normally play our from where we were, will not happen. Some characters will show up (Sand village, toad sage, tsunade, so such and so on) and the characters will get stronger but I am really gonna mess with plot.

Another chapter, I've got my groove on. Now I'm gonna work on updating my other stories. The first I'll probably finish will be A Case of Insanity. And the my Hiei story, then this, then my other Naruto fic. And when the dust settles I can work on sequels for the stories that need one. Maybe after two more updates I'll ask for a review before I update but at this point I don't really have the right with how long it's been since I've updated. Your faithful author

Mercy


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